I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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