I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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