just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
