I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
