On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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