I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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