Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
