Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
