So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
