U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
