i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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