I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
