You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
