She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
