Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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