I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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