When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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