Your dad touched me again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize