I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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