Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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