I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Acid is not a monday night drug
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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