Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
