He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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