And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
