just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
