how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
