I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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