She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
