Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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