i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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