My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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