Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
