At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
