i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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