I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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