Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
