Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
