Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
