So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
