my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize