you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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