I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
