Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
