So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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