I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
