shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize