Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
