Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
