You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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