oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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