I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
