Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
