My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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