last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
