He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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