She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
