Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So vagazzling was a success
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
