Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
