I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
