Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
