I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My dick has a subreddit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
