it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
