i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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