I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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