I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
