I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
whose parrot is this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
