Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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