He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
