Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need a beard to bite.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
