I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
