ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
