If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
