you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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