So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize