I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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