Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize