I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
