3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girl is more easily done than said...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
