Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
