i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
