I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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