eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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