True but thats because hes a fetus.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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