I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize