are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
