If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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