READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
