Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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