Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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