would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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