i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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