I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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