I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
