So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think i got beer on your cat.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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