shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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