She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
