oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
