Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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