11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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