I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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