So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
