Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
