dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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