I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
