so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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