No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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