And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
