i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
