pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize