Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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