Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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