You can't motorboat a personality
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You are the jesus of drinking
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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