Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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