the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
