No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
